Day 31 and feeling really good.....

So went to the doctor today and I am 31days post op and everything seems to be right on track. The one implant is moving down like it should with the help of the strap and gravity. So hopefully it will continue to drop and I will not have to have surgery to correct this. All good news on that end of things.

This week has been crazy busy but we are managing well. Liam has baseball on Friday night this week since Easter is this weekend there will be no Saturday or Sunday games. I am getting my hair colored on Friday, mid day and tomorrow we are going to look at houses. Boy there's a-lot going on in such a short amount of time.

Mason has an easter egg hunt at school on Friday, it will be so cute. He also has a birthday party coming up on the 11th with his little friends. He is so excited about this. I think theres about 10 kids coming so it will be a good turn out. I need to get my butt in gear and order his Walle cake that he wants. Chocolate with whipped icing momma, so that it will be. 5 years old I can't believe it wow! My baby isn't a baby anymore. Kindergarten next year and I'm amazed at how fast my baby has gotten so big. Just like Liam it seems like yesterday he was in Kindergarten he will be going into the 4th grade next year. How insane is that!

Well I am going to go it's late and I need to get my sleep, gym, laundry, and house hunting tomorrow....should be a load of fun haha!

"forgiving is the best feeling in the world, but it does mean you will never forget"

Growing up and moving forward.....

So it's Monday morning and I sit here typing thinking of how when i was a kid I used to dread getting in trouble because my dad was so hard on me and so mean. This has haunted me even to this day as I sit here and type this at age 31yrs old. My dad isn't the "daddy" type, so i grew up with not a lot of emotion from him for showing his love for myself or my brother. It has affected me in so many ways I can't even begin to count. I had my grandpa till I was 26yrs old and then he passed away of lung cancer in 2003 and I felt like my dad had died because he was always the one I went to in order to fill my need for love and emotions that a daddy should give his child. Well when he passed away i was devastated and it took me a long time to be ok. I was married to a real winner let me tell you, NOT!!!! I left my ex husband just before my grandfather passed away and took care of him full time and Liam for about a month, i lived in the basement of his house and tried to do it all. It just didn't work. After my grandpa passed, I believe he brought Chris to me and I will never think anything else. He made me find happiness and love that I never experienced as a kid.

I know it probably hurts my mom to hear that I hated my childhood but all I can remember are the bad things. Maybe a few good things like graduation and a few Christmas's. Why is this? All I did was run away from home and hate living there. I was never happy and always hated being around the house. It just wasn't a good life. So now that I am all grown up and have a family of my own, I vow to not be the way my dad was to me to them. I don't drink except for occasions and even then i am careful as to what I have. I guess you could say this was my battle my entire life growing up with my dad. Trying to get him to stop drinking thinking he would be a nicer person to me. Nope to this day he still drinks and says hes not an alcoholic ha ha that is funny! Really? Really? He has diabetes and still drinks, all i can say is IDIOT!

I have to say I sent my mom an email about some feelings and such. 6 days later i receive a phone call from my dad. Well I do not want to speak to him, I emailed my mom therefore I will only speak to my mom not him. He never calls me and when he does it's to bitch and complain about how I do this and I do that. It's never his fault so this time i was smart, I pushed ignore on my phone and sent a text message (I love this new technology now a days) and said to my mom's cell that I wanted to speak to mom, and if she wants to call me feel free to. Well I have little hope that she will call. I have decided that no more will I feel belittled, or sick from speaking to my father who only and will only make me feel that way no matter what. I have nothing to say to him and could care less if I speak to him ever again, he is ignorant, mean, unloving (has been), and just overall makes you feel like you are a piece of dirt and never good enough. I'm done. I am grown up now and moving forward I am in control of my life and I am the one that says who I speak to about things, If I do not want to speak to you I do not have to. Thats the part about growing up that I love. I am in control of my own life and it feels great that he can't take that away from me.

So i just felt like blogging about this because it is so overwhelming at times. I don't speak of it much to my own family (husband) he has too much other crap going on with work, baseball, the house stuff etc. I am glad my grandpa sent me someone who could fill the void I have had for so long in my life. Chris loves me for me, and doesn't put me down because I can't do something or do not know how. He is the man in my life and I will forever be grateful to my grandpa for this awesome gift.

I am having an awesome week nothing will get in my way....Wedding dress comes in today and I am off to the gym for the first time in a month. Woo hoo, not a hard workout because i can't with the cosmetic surgery but at least I can go! =)

Until next time....

Sunday 28days post op...what a week it has been

It's been awhile since i have written. Last Sunday little Sicily died and it just seemed to set the week off with a ton of bad and sad things happening. Tuesday I wasn't getting along with my mom (who usually we are very close and speaking everyday). I sent her an email and was honest in telling her how I truly felt about things and certain people in my life. It's hard for a mom to let go of the protective part of a child's life even when they are 31yrs of age. So once that was sent fumes went off and we haven't spoken since then. It's been really difficult to say the least.. Wednesday Thursday and Friday i pretty much rested as i was supposed to per doctors orders. I was in a lot of pain and ended up taking pain killers at night just to get some sleep. Friday i waited on my wedding dress to come in but it never came, i was so disappointed but what can you do. So it should arrive tomorrow and so that is like music to my ears! =) We had baseball on Saturday morning bright and early 8:30am and it was on the big field as they call it so all the kids were so excited. I got lots of pictures and video as well. Liam had a play date after his game till about 3:30pm he had a blast with his friend AJ. Later that afternoon, we got invited to a BBQ at Liam's baseball coaches house, it was for all the coaches on the team and their families. It was so much fun, I can't remember the last time I had so much fun with a great group of people 9kids and 8adults. I am glad we went and had a good time. We are already talking about doing it again at someone else's house. Today, Sunday we are just hanging out, we went to the park around 3pm and let the boys play on the playground, Chris played catch with Liam and Kayla ran around. We are now relaxing back at home and getting ready for this week ahead. It should be a better week, trying to not think of the negative things in life. I am going to get back to the gym and feel better about myself, life and family in general it always seems to help me. I still have to be careful due to the surgery but will take it easy. I want to ride the bike im dying over here. I also have a doctors appt. at 11am on Wednesday to get everything checked out and make sure the left implant is dropping as it should be, if not i am to wear the good ole strap still. I'm used to it now it's been 3weeks Ive had to wear it so it's strange how i feel weird without it on. I really hope i can get a clearance on Wednesday to move forward with my life and start my daily day to day activities again.

Well this blog was sort of scattered all over today.....im tired and feeling it. I wish i could sleep on my tummy but not quite yet! =( Soon enough! Easter is this coming weekend. The boy's are already asking when we are having the Easter bunny come visit us. We will be celebrating with friends this year and cant' wait. The kids will have so much fun. Next year we will be in Southern CA with cousins having a good ole time hunting eggs and spending time with the cousins. It's crazy how it's already April of 2010....Where does time go?

Hope all of you have a wonderful week!

quote for the week " Stay positive and you will accomplish whatever it is you set your mind to"

Somber Monday...Heaven just received a sweet angel

Well last night i was posting Sicily Zekas blog for others to read when i saw a post from a reader that stated R.I.P. Sicily. I immediately kept saying please please don't be true. I read the blog and sure enough at 10:45pm last night this is what her momma wrote:

"Heaven just welcomed a new Angel. Sicily Evelyn Zeka passed through the pearly gates at 10:45pm on Sunday, March 21, 2010, and ran into Jesus' arms. I had just posted an entry a little after 9:00pm and Patrick and I were settling into bed with Sicily right there between us. As soon as we realized she was getting close to letting go, I was able to hold her in the rocking chair my mom rocked me in as a baby, and as I rocked her, Patrick and I told her it was okay to go be with Jesus now. She went very peacefully as we prayed over and over for her to be able to do. We are so full of gratefulness that she is no longer in pain and the chains and bonds of cancer have been broken.

Kerry"

I sat in tears reading this and just wanted to hug Kerry and then just cry myself till it felt better, but nothing was feeling better. I ended up crying myself to sleep. I have grown close to this family even though I haven't met them physically I have been following them on the blog page. So in a way i made them apart of my life through the blog. I awoke this morning to take a shower and started to cry then i got this happy thought of reading about Sicily and how she told her brother to stop staring at her it was rude, i remember laughing because that was apart of Sicily that was coming out even though so many times her momma said she was just sleeping and not her self Sicily did peak through every now and again. This story has made me be so thankful for my kids. I am so thankful to have them healthy now even though they do have Danon's Disease I am still very lucky to be able to hold them and love them and laugh with them. It's just something that I am so grateful for. You take the little things for granted till you see a story like Sicily's!

I am now watching little Anniston and she brings me laughs, and smiles and makes me happy. I am glad today God choose me to watch her because I so needed it to keep my mind off of Sicily's passing. Broke down once today and just can't help myself...Little anniston came over to me and puckered her lips up she wanted a Kiss omg it was so cute! Thank you Anniston...Kimmie so needed that today!

off of this to try and get Anniston to take a nap

quote of the day
"An angel was born to a mommy and daddy to show them courage, strength, love, caring and wisdom. This was her temporary home for heaven is her permanent home. An angel was taken from a mommy and daddy today to let them know that her job here on earth had been accomplished"

Sunday and I have hit 21days post op (3wks)

21days post op and I am in alot of pain. I guess i have been doing too much but i thought i was able to. I know there was a lot of reconstruction done so my body might need to take a bit longer to heal. After all it has only been 3weeks since surgery. This week I will focus on resting and relaxing at home doing NOTHING!

So today was a great day, woke up and went to run a few errands and look at a few houses. Then I left for a purse party and had alot of fun with the ladies there and buying some very cute purses, a clutch and a beach bag. The ladies there were all into the purses it was too funny! It was fun so im glad I went. Chris was home with the boy's doing boy things! =)

We had baseball on Saturday afternoon and Liam got stung by a bee lord we all thought the world was going to end but thankfully one mom had Benadryl and one mom had ice and we were good to go.

i forgot to post this guess i should before starting another post today.....

Do I say too much....but this is who I am...sorry if you don't like it....

Sometimes I think people look at you and go wow, did you really just say that? Well, Yes I did and i feel like saying if you don't like it then move on. I am a person just like you, I have feelings just like you, I am sometimes shy and reserved but most of the time (lately) anyways I am just tired of people. Everyone has their way of doing things and this is awesome, just like me I have my way of doing things and if you don't like them then move on, if you don't like what I say in my blog, then don't read it. I'm not twisting your arm to read this and keep up with my life, it's just that my life and if you wanna follow AWESOME if not then don't.

I can say some things that might come across mean and rude but when you hear things over and over and over again, It makes you get really upset and you have got to vent and this is my way of venting. It may hurt peoples feelings and I'm sorry for this, but it's my feeling and my feelings only. It doesn't mean I don't love you, It doesn't mean I don't care about you, it just means im upset and need to vent right now. I used to be this girl that sat back and didn't say anything and was scared to open my mouth because I didn't know if what I said would make certain people upset with me, well now I could care less what others think of me. It's me, myself and I that are here on this earth and I will speak what I please. it took me 31yrs to finally say this and it feels GREAT!

I will never forget there was a mom that I got a phone call from one night (her daughter and son were in my care when i was doing daycare). She went off on me as if I was a piece of dirt and I was this horrible mom, person and how dare I take her child with me on errands around town, when she knew I drove with kids to and from school and sometimes to get gas, or dry cleaners, store, etc. This person made me feel like I was a horrible mom and care taker, but you know I see her from time to time and I just smile away because it makes me feel good to know that what she said to me didn't get me down, it gave me courage! It's only her feelings and how she felt. She had to get it out right? Well just like me, I have to get it out and so if it offends you brush it off and move on.

So from here on out, for those of you with "virgin" ears or eyes please don't be offended for I am only speaking from my heart and they are feelings that everyone has. Hope this clears up some of the crap out there that is going on, I haven't heard specifics but I have feelings that certain people are upset so I wanted to clear the air!

Have an awesome day!

TGIF....swimming, dress shopping, furniture delivery and more...

Im really tired but wanted to update on a few things, Alot has happened since Tuesday. The boy's are both signed up for swim lessons already. Starting June 14th-July 22nd or around there. They should be trained this summer, at least that is our hope. Also I ordered my wedding dress that I am going to be wearing for professional pictures with Chris. This is something we have wanted to do for a very long time now and we are finally able to afford to do it so we are going for it, but not till June or July. His sis is doing the pictures since she is a photographer and we will fly her up here to do the session. I am so excited I can hardly stand it, i just hope my dress that I ordered today online comes in and fits and looks good mostly. We will see! =) Chris ordered his new wedding band as well and it should be in this week.

We are also looking at buying a home. I know many of you are thinking my God you just moved two times but we are renting and if we come across a home that we like then we will jump on it and buy out of our lease here. It would be so worth it for the boys, us and the dog. Something to call our own, I can't even imagine!

The boy's will finally have beds to sleep on as of tomorrow :(Saturday). The furniture finally came in and they are delivering it finally. The boys are so excited, so we will wait and hope it comes between 1-3pm because then we have a baseball game at 4pm tomorrow. Man there's so much going on. We went swimming today took both boys and had fun. Mase is finally brave enough to go with me while Im holding him around in the pool. It took him a good 30mins to do this but I am proud to say he concord his fear!

I relaxed today well I say I did, but I watched a movie that was my relaxing! =) Chris is sitting next to me on his computer trying to look at houses and me, im about to head up to bed. Hope you all are doing well and have an awesome weekend!